Tuesday, November 15, 2005


1. If a car alarm goes off it is completely ignored. Probably for hours. Car alarms never go off when someone is actually trying to steal your car and only ever go off at night when people are trying to sleep and the car owner is on a 3 week vacation in the Bahamas.

2. If a fire alarm goes off it is probably also ignored. For hours. Fire alarms also seem not to go off when there is an actual fire, but only when it’s over, like a sort of ‘there has been a fire’ type of alarm, (or of course when you’re making toast. In another room.) Apart from toast-making situations, alarms only go off in empty apartments when the owners are on the vacation above, and of course, at night.

There has been an alarm going off continually in someone’s apartment in our block for about 18 hours now, since an hour after last night’s episode. Strangely it didn’t go off when there was an actual fire in the building, presumably because nobody was making toast at the time, which is a perfectly reasonable assumption it being 8pm or thereabouts, although personally I'm quite partial to a bit of toast at that time of night ...Or maybe some folks made toast as a sort of comfort-eating thing straight after the fire trauma, then very quickly departed for their trip to the Bahamas...
Yes that must be the explanation.... unless of course there is another fire occurring, which everyone is ignoring.

3. No matter which country you’re in or which store your furniture is being delivered from, it will always arrive exactly twenty minutes later than your allocated 4-hour time slot. Unless you pop out to the corner shop for some milk. In which case, it will definitely arrive a femtosecond after you leave, and leave again a nanosecond before you return. Delivery people never fall for that trick when you ‘pretend’ to go to the corner shop but are actually only hiding round the corner.

I think that just about sums up my last 18 hours. Yawn.    


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