Sunday, October 30, 2005


I managed to avoid the Halloween Dog Parade in Tompkins Square today. Yes….you got it…..a parade of dogs dressed up as ghouls and bloodthirsty zombies or possibly the canine equivalent …the spectre hound or errr Cerberus?

In truth I’ve already seen more dogs in fancy dress here than I’ve had gin and tonics (and those who know me will understand the gravity of that statement), and that’s just in the elevator. It’s big to have a dog here, but only if the dog is really tiny. I mean really really tiny. Size matters and the smaller the dog, the bigger your status. The dogs in my neighbourhood are so tiny that I often feel like I’m residing on the film set of a Disney remake entitled ‘101 Chihuahuas.’ Most of them probably need clothes or they’d die of exposure, and hence they are very often dressed up in Christmas jumpers or bobble hats.

I also suspect that these dogs are too small to even walk, because most of them seem to be carried around in equally tiny handbags, pockets or push chairs, (which I believe are known as ‘pet strollers’.) I read today that the manager of ‘Le Chien’ in Trump Plaza (who recently sold a two-pound Yorkie to Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child), is often asked to provide a dog which will fit into a Birkin handbag.
But I guess if you’re that size, then just getting to the dog run would be like doing a marathon, so you’d clearly need to cadge a lift there in the handbag equivalent of a Rolls Royce.

Anyway, there are two points to this Lilliputian interlude. The first is to explain the ludicrousness of the photo below. The dogs in this picture can’t have been more than a foot long and were wearing pink bows. I spotted them today being used as GUARD DOGS for a building in the East Village, with a sign (I failed miserably to capture, obviously because I was so scared), which read ‘This property is being protected by guard dogs. Beware!’  
Clearly people around here are so used to dogs being the size of a small rat that dogs this huge are considered really SCARY.

And my second point - I’ve been wondering lately why it is that so many American women communicate at a range somewhere between 20,000 and 40,000Hz, which is painful to the average UK ears to say the least. And then I put two and two together…..



Blogger codenameLizzy said...

Can you Tai Chi a dog?

5:35 PM, October 31, 2005  

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