KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL

Last week I had the great pleasure of spending a good few entertaining hours in the 'time-capsule-which-is-A's-gaff' for a breakfast which seamlessly morphed straight into lunch, then just kept on going. The way time disappears in that house, without anything being achieved other than the sort of conversation which could easily go on indefinitely and large gaps appearing in the wine cellar, could explain why it's taken him approximately 3 years to get the kitchen fitted. It might also explain his strange fetish for anything vintage (and not just of the liquid variety). He is currently experimenting with 30 year old blackberries (so old in fact that the word means something entirely different now), 1985 Diamond Jubilee Oxo cubes and a 1997 jar of honey. The honey I can sort of understand though, now that I think about it, because I'm sure it's entirely possible to arrive at that house for breakfast in 1997 and not leave until 2006.

Anyway, my point is that there is now, finally, a kitchen. But not just any old kitchen. For example, the hob is the size of most NY apartments and has a dimmer switch and the drawers have a kind of time-lapse self-closing system. I am presuming it is a slow one though, because to unload the dishwasher this symmetrically would probably take a compass, slide rule and another 3 years.



The man is clearly a virgo. Only he's not. This total planetary error kind of destroys any astrological faith one might ever have had.